Today my victim was me. The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was to look into the mirror. All I could see all my faults. I only saw that I was older than I used to be. I could only focus on my failure. I could only see the failures of my entire life. I saw the extra layers of fat on my body as failure too … imperfection.
Women I know are really bad at this. We always only see our faults when we look into a mirror, but what was strange was the way that it bled over into my self-esteem as a person. Again I could feel the weight of the criticism in my body, and the strange things is, I resisted finding positive things to propel me out of the pit. I wanted to stay in that negative space. It seemed like too much work to pull myself out of the pit.
As I was carrying this weight I imagined that other people were thinking the same things about me as I was thinking about myself. Like I had a sign on me that said I am not worthy. I know that I’ve thought these thoughts before, and probably on most days of my life without even realizing that I was carrying this weight and negativity about myself.
1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
When I ask God to give me another way of looking at myself, the first thing I hear him say is … You have years of wisdom. Your outer shell shows the years of wisdom that are inside of you. Your smile can still change someone’s day. There is more to you than a body. Having extra weight on your body does not mean that you ar not a worthy person and it does not mean that you have to put yourself down … God sees the inner person, he sees the heart.
Genesis 1:27So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
So what I’ve come to understand is that every day that I look into the mirror, I’m trying to be perfect. I look into the mirror and I see only imperfections. Somewhere in my mind I’m thinking that I have to be perfect in the eyes of the world and myself. If I don’t look perfect, then I am not worthy.
This is NOT the heart of God. God says to us …
Psalm 139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
I love this Psalm so much, I wrote a song about it It’s called … You Are There … Please Enjoy and let God wash away all the negativity you speak over yourself.